Adventures in Schizophrenia
by Therabidsquirrel
Summary: Hmmm... how do I explain this one? It's just insane as Yami causes trouble for Yugi during school. Oh boy... 'Rating for Yami thoughts...


*** 

Thanks to all who read my last story and reviewed. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. ^_^ Sorry it was so long, but after nearly losing the entire story after my computer freaked, I didn't feel like taking the time to split it into parts. So please forgive my laziness in making the last fic such a long read. For any who have no idea what I'm talking about, check out my fic 'Yu-Gi-Oh' and let me know what you think. Yeah, I'm pathetic. ^-^' Um… warning, this fic isn't a masterpiece but sadly this is what happens when you're trapped in a small house with nothing to do and way too much chocolate and caffeine. Fun, but dangerous on braincells. ^-^ Enjoy!

Um… the characters may seem OOC, I'm not sure. Like I said, I don't get so see much of the show, though I am getting to catch glimpses of it more often. ^-^

*** 

Yugi and friends do not belong to me. I own nothing except for Fred and George. They are working without pay.

*** 

****

Adventures in Schizophrenia

It *had* started out as a quiet, casual day, Yugi calmly and slowly getting prepared for school, brushing his hair to rid it of the knots and donning his jacket without a second thought. He'd almost made it out his bedroom door when he realized something was missing. The millennium puzzle. With a gasp, he quickly searched his room, finally starting to become alert to the world around him. Searching the room however was not an easy task. There were clothes all over the place, an open bag half full of Doritos and a bottle of under half of what had been cherry soda on his desk. What these items were doing in his room he wasn't quite sure. More than likely, Yami had stayed up late again. Yugi began tossing his clothing around, then sighed as the millennium puzzle emerged from its hiding place beneath a pair of jeans and a gray sweater.

"Ugh! What are Grandpa's clothes doing in my room?" Yugi exclaimed unhappily, putting the chain attached to the puzzle around his neck. With a sigh he stood straight and looked at his watch, only to cry out in surprise. "Oh crap! I'm gone' be late!" With that he ran out of his room, only just remembering to grab his backpack and ran down the stairs, tripping on the last two and falling flat on his face on the floor. Alerted by the resounding thud and muffled 'oof', Solomon Moto stepped out of the store and blinked at his grandson, who was struggling to get up off the floor.

"Yugi?" he asked slowly. "Are you okay?" he asked. Yugi nodded, lifting himself up.

"Yeah… fine…" Yugi grunted as he finally got to his feet and reached for his backpack. Solomon meanwhile looked at his watch.

"You've got two minutes before the bus leaves without you," the old man warned. Yugi cried out in alarm and took off at a dead run, bursting through the door and nearly knocking over an unsuspecting family. Solomon merely snickered and turned back to the store. "Never fails," he muttered.

Meanwhile, Yugi was racing to beat the clock, his heart hammering in his chest as he ran and he smiled as he saw Joey standing at the curb. The taller teen grinned at his tri-colored haired friend, who slowed to a halt beside him, panting as he bent over to catch his breath.

"Hey Yug! Guess what, we missed the bus!" he exclaimed happily. Yugi straightened and stared at him, wide-eyed.

"What! What kind of a greeting is that? What do you mean we missed the bus?"

"It came early today. Guess you and me are walkin' to school again," Joey explained, grinning sheepishly. Yugi groaned and promptly fell over, Joey looking down at him worriedly. "Eh, Yug? You okay?" A muffled groan was the only reply he received and he shrugged. "Come on," he said, reaching down and pulling Yugi up. "We gotta hurry or we'll get detention for being late."

"Oh joy…"

*~*~*~*~*

"…Let's move on now to last nights reading assignment, chapters three through five of Huckleberry Finn," the teacher was saying as she moved to the chalkboard. Groans met her 'suggestion' and she turned to fix her class with a cold stare. "Or you could just put away your books and we could have a nice pop quiz. Your choice," she told them. The sight and sound of books opening and pages turning made her smile and she turned back to the chalkboard. At his seat, Yugi's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he opened his book. Scrawled on the pages were Egyptian Hieroglyphics. Though he wasn't fluent in the language, he did know what a few of the symbols meant and he inwardly groaned as he put two and two together, letting his head fall to his desk.

'Yami… you know they didn't run around naked in these books like the kids in your time used to,' he thought dryly.

It was just a thought, Yami thought back, having woken up sometime between gym and biology.

'And you know better. And what do you mean by cutting off heads and putting them on the staff of a boat? That's gross!'

Hey, it was four in the morning and I was on a caffeine rush. Sorry okay?

'This is not funny Yami. You rewrote the book in Egyptian, and these people are going to wonder what the heck I was doing drawing pictures in my books!' Yugi thought. "ARGH!"

Too late he realized that he'd just cried out aloud, slapping his hands over his mouth as his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. His classmates and teacher all turned to look at him in confusion, and he felt his face starting to burn with embarrassment.

"Mr. Moto, is there a problem?" his teacher asked him, leaning on her desk as she shot him a dark look. Yugi shook his head violently.

"N-no ma'am! I just…" Yugi slumped down in his chair, wishing for all the world he could curl up in a corner and die.

No you don't.

'Shut-up Yami!'

"I'm sorry?" he said meekly.

"No more disruptions Mr. Moto." Her warning glare could have melted ice into nothing more than a vapor.

"Yes ma'am…" Yugi slumped further into his desk, and could mentally see Yami rubbing his chin.

She does have a nice figure, don't you think? he teased. Yugi covered his face with his hands.

'Yami!' he whispered harshly. 'Stop it!'

What?

'Aw man… you're horrible…' Yugi parted his fingers, his face beginning to turn red as he peeked out at his teacher. She was wearing a three-piece outfit that was tan in color. The dress shirt beneath the jacket was plain white and he nearly fell into the floor at the mental image Yami sent him.

'YAMI! STOP IT!' Yugi cried mentally, letting his head fall to his desk and becoming fully aware of the weird look Bakura was sending him. The white haired teen shared this class with him, and was wondering what exactly was going on in the smaller teen's head. Apparently, Ryou was wondering the same thing and opened a link between himself and Yami through the shadow realm. Much to Yugi's relief they kept the link private, allowing him to pay attention to the lesson. Then, suddenly, the link was open, Ryou laughing aloud as Yami snickered.

_Good grief Yugi! What did you allow the pharaoh to eat last night? _Ryou asked. Yugi's face started to turn red again and the teacher paused in her lecture as she looked at him worriedly.

"Mr. Moto, are you feeling all right? Your face is red," she pointed out.

And no doubt turning purple I assume. Yami chirped.

'Shut up.' Yugi looked at his teacher sheepishly. 

"I'm okay," he said aloud. Bakura on the other hand shook his head as Ryou "said" something to him. The teacher gave Yugi a concerned look.

"If you're running a fever…"

Yes, I'm sick with love… Yami crooned teasingly.

'You're nasty is what you are you old freak.' Yami snapped. His face was really red now, making him almost look like a tomato. Yami sniffed and turned, nose in the air.

Well fine. Be that way. Then he turned suddenly, his face alight with glee. Hey! Let me be in control! he exclaimed, just as the teacher turned back to the chalkboard saying;

"If you're sure you're all right…"

**"NO!"**

With a gasp, Yugi slapped his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide and his face suddenly going pale as the class stared at him and the teacher turned to look at him startled. With a frown she moved to her desk and began writing something on a piece of green paper.

"Mr. Moto, I want you out of my class right now," she said sharply, her face showing anger. "Whatever is your problem I'm sure the councilors office would just *love* to hear all about it," she told him darkly. Yugi promptly slid down and out of his seat, landing on the floor with a thud and causing his classmates to burst out with laughter. This was *not* a good day.

*~*~*~*~*

Yugi tried his hardest not to have another outburst as he walked down the quiet and empty hallways to the councilor office, Yami and Ryou 'talking' to each other through the shadow realm. Both had their links wide open so both Bakura and poor Yugi could hear every detail of their conversation, which was still about the English teacher.

Think she's free on weekends? Yami was asking.

__

Of course. Did you not notice that she doesn't have any rings on?

****

That doesn't mean she's single.

_What does it matter anyway? Do you really think she'd go out with a five thousand-year-old dead guy in a fifteen-year-olds body?_

I dunno. Why don't you ask?

__

I'm not the one wondering. And besides, Bakura would either lock me up for life or beat the crap out of me.

He can do that?

_I made the mistake of training him._ In reply to Ryou's statement, Yugi heard a smug 'nyah' come from Bakura and he sighed.

"Just my luck," he muttered. Yami grinned devilishly.

It speaks! Ooh, idea! Yugi gasped aloud as he felt himself 'falling' backwards, Yami taking control without permission.

What! Yami, what are you doing? Yugi cried out in alarm, starting to panic. You're ruining my life!

_Oh shut-up,_ came Ryou's snide voice. _You don't have a life to ruin so just chill out and hang on for the ride._

This is all your fault isn't it? Yugi snapped.

_'Calm down Yugi. What's the worst he can do?'_ came Bakura's voice through Ryou's link. Yugi moaned and nearly burst into tears as Yami burst into the boy's bathroom happily.

Yami… what are you on? Yugi moaned.

'CAFFEINE!!' was the only reply Yami gave him and Yugi did burst into tears.

I'm gonna die…

_Hey, I want some of that! _Ryou exclaimed in response.

_'You wanna live?'_ Bakura countered. Ryou snickered evilly.

_Hey, I'm already dead. What's the worst you can do to me?_

'Make your afterlife a living nightmare?'

Um… good point.

Meanwhile, Yami was standing in a bathroom stall happily, pulling toilet paper off the roll and eyeing it gleefully.

"Perfect," he said aloud, blocking Yugi off completely from what he was doing and then placing toilet paper on his arm. "Tah-dah!" he whispered. Then he began his 'evil' work.

*~*~*~*~*

His arms were stretched out in front of him and he was wrapped completely from head to toe in toilet paper.

"I'm a mummy…" he droned as he limped along, only to pause as the bell rang for class to end. With a smirk he turned. "Time to switch drivers," he grinned, A moment later the halls were filled with people who all stared at Yugi Moto, who stood in the hallway with a startled look on his face that quickly changed to horror. As students began pointing and laughing, Yugi couldn't contain himself.

"WHAT AM I DOING IN TOILET PAPER!" he yelled almost tearfully. When he gained no reply from Yami, he took off down the hall at a dead run, praying that he could get somewhere safe before…

"MR. YUGI MOTO!"

…he was caught. Drat. Yugi skid to a halt, only to fall over flat on his face as he tripped on toilet paper and a teacher stomped up behind him. He turned over and looked up at the larger and older man, glaring down at him from behind a pair of crooked bifocals set on the tip of a wrinkled nose.

"Just what do you think you are doing wrapped in toilet paper and running down the hall?" the teacher asked angrily, folding his arms in front of his chest. Yugi paused, wondering what he should say.

"Um… streaking?" he asked meekly. As the teacher glowered at him, Yami laughed aloud, falling over and rolling on the floor in his soul room. Slowly Yugi stood, his head bowed as his face burned with embarrassment. "I was… on my way to the councilors office sir," he mumbled. At this the teacher gave him an odd look, then frowned.

"Mr. Moto, do you happen to be on any kind of medication?" he asked slowly. Yugi shook his head. "Well… maybe you should be," he said almost worriedly. Yugi's eyes widened considerably and he took a step backwards.

"Um… can I go now?" he asked. The teacher gave him another death glare, then nodded.

"If you don't head to the councilors office now, you will be staying for detention for the next two weeks, do you understand? This is your only warning."

"Yes sir…" Yugi turned and began pushing through the crowd of teens that had gathered to witness the exchange between the toilet paper dressed teen and the teacher. As he made his way through, several of his classmates snickered at him, one of them grinning evilly.

"Hey Moto, aren't you a little old to play dress up?" Laughter followed the statement, causing Yugi to redden even more, this time with anger. He'd had enough. Fine, if this was how it was going to be, then he'd fight fire with fire. He stopped and turned back to his tormentor, realizing it was a taller boy wearing a school jacket. A jock, why not? He grinned as he noticed the red markings on the boys mouth and decided to go for it.

"I dunno," he said suddenly, causing the laughter to die away. "You get away with it everyday." At the strange looks everyone gave him he smirked and pointed to the taller boys face. "But at least I don't wear make up," he grinned. Then, as the other boy made a panicked attempt to wipe his face, Yugi turned and hurriedly made his way to the councilors office. It was safer there then waiting for that big dork to realize he'd just been 'dissed'.

*~*~*~*

"Mr. Moto, I really don't understand what could possibly have gotten into you today. First the outbursts in class, and now this? Is there anything you want to talk about Yugi?"

Yugi frowned as he sat in the councilors office, a woman in her late twenties sitting behind a brown desk that held a computer on one end and a mass of papers everywhere else. No wonder nothing ever got done around here…

"Not really," Yugi answered casually, diverting his attention to pull toilet paper off of his head, balling it up and throwing it into the garbage can. He threw his hands into the air happily. "Two points!" he cheered. The woman before him shook her head and sighed, rubbing her temples slowly.

"Mr. Moto, please…" she muttered, causing him to look at her. "What exactly is your reason for doing this?" she asked. Yugi frowned, then mentally grinned as Yami sat back to 'see' what his aibou would do.

"Actually, I'm not the one doing this," Yugi said calmly, seriously. Yami frowned. What was Yugi doing? The woman before the teen was wondering the same thing.

"Pardon?" she asked. Yugi gazed at her seriously, though not too caringly and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm just caught in the middle. See, I've got these two other personalities named Fred and George and they're always fighting. Today it was about the injustice of having to eat fried chicken on Thursdays when Fred thinks it'd be much better to eat chicken on Friday's. George doesn't agree. See, *he* says that fried chicken is only good on Sunday and Wednesday's and they just get into these big fights," he told her casually as if he were talking about the weather. The woman before him blinked.

"B-but… today's Monday," she sputtered. Yugi gave and exasperated sigh and threw his hands in the air.

"I know!" he exclaimed. "And I *was* trying to tell them that, but they got mad at me and threw me in the closet," he told her seriously, fighting the urge to laugh in her face. Yami on the other hand was burying his face in his hands as he moaned.

Oh no…

'Shut up. I'm having fun.'

"Mr. Moto."

"Hmmm?" There was a pause as the councilor sat straight and sighed, giving Yugi and unhappy look.

"I'm sorry if you are not being stimulated enough with your classes, but I do have one request. Could you please do something more constructive when you're bored? Wrapping yourself in toilet paper and those outbursts…" she sighed as she leaned forward on her desk. "I don't understand why you feel that you have to lie to me, but multiple personalities is not something to joke about. It is a serious condition that many people unfortunately have to deal with. Now if you are serious…" Yugi's eyes widened and he blinked at her. For a moment Yami froze. Uh-oh…

"Uh, no! I was just… joking…" Yugi put a hand behind his head and laughed nervously as the councilor frowned at him. She sighed, then shook her head and began writing something on a pink slip of paper.

"Mr. Moto, I would appreciate it if you would go back to class now," she told him wearily, handing him the slip. He took it quietly, then nodded slowly and stood. As he went to open the door, the councilor stopped him with a snicker. He turned and saw her smirking at him. "By they way. If Fred and George get into another fight, just shoot 'em with a tranquilizer," she told him with a wink. Yugi looked at her, then shook his head and snickered as he left.

*~*~*~*

Yugi sighed as he entered the game shop, Joey shouting something about toilet paper and he wondered if it would be any good to stuff the taller teens locker full of the stuff. He shook that thought from his head and sighed as he made his way to him room. His grandfather merely smiled at him quickly as he was busy with customers and the teen was grateful. No doubt someone from school had called him about earlier today. 

When he'd entered his room, he threw his backpack down on the floor and looked at the mess before him. Feeling lazy, he plopped down on the bed with a sigh, willing the clothes to put themselves away.

"You know that's not going to happen," Yami's voice shattered him moment of peace and he sat up with a glare, the pharaoh grinning sheepishly at him. "Well it isn't," he mumbled.

"Why did you wrap me in toilet paper! What the heck has gotten into you?" Yugi shouted instead. Yami blushed, putting his hand behind his head.

"Sorry, I think I've been cooped up in the puzzle for too long," he admitted. "That and I've never had caffeine before," he claimed. Yugi frowned and nodded at what was left sitting on his desk.

"Yeah, and apparently you overdosed on your first time."

"It was good!"

"Whatever." Yugi flopped back onto his unmade bed with a moan, Yami watching him, then looking around the room.

"Are we going to clean up?"

"Don' wanna," Yugi answered lazily. "I'm worn out from dealing with *you* today," he claimed. Yami smirked at him, then grabbed a pillow and whacked the smaller version of himself, gaining an indignant cry.

"Then shall we continue the Finn discussion?" he asked casually. Yugi opened his mouth to say something, then paused and grinned, leaping up.

"Yeah, but we gotta get Joey first!" he exclaimed. Yami's face lit up.

"Toilet paper?" he asked. Yugi nodded and together they cheered, racing from the room. A few minutes later, Solomon Moto watched as Yami raced out, toilet paper rolls in both hands as Yugi followed close behind. Both were grinning madly.

"Yugi?" the older Moto asked, causing the two to pause. "Where are you two going?" he asked. Yami and Yugi looked at each other and grinned.

"We're saving the world from the inconvenience of eating fried chicken on Thursday's!" they claimed as one. Then with a whoop of laughter, they headed out the door again, racing down the street and screaming for Joey at the top of their lungs. Solomon Moto watched them go, a look of utter confusion on his face.

"Do I even want to know?" he muttered, turning back to his store. There was no telling what those two were getting into now, and he wasn't sure he wanted to even bother.

Meanwhile, in the streets of Domino City, three teens were seen racing through the streets, one fleeing for what seemed to be his life while two others, twins perhaps, followed him with toilet paper, shouting for him to slow down. After all, they were only playing mummy…

END


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